Once you have determined to live by grace or, as a friend of mine says, “live at the speed of grace” the next obvious question becomes “How do I do it?”  In some settings it is easy.  Just reach out to people where they are and touch them with grace and love as a believer.  Remember, not every conversation with an unbeliever needs to end with a presentation of the Four Spiritual Laws.  But sometimes “where they are” is a problem to us.  How do we show grace to people in settings where they are far from our comfort zone?  Two recent headlines come to mind.

One involves Constance McMillen.  Do you remember her?  She is the teenager, and declared lesbian, that was the center of turmoil when her high school prom was cancelled rather than let her attend.  I wrote about her in “Prom night in Mississippi” some weeks ago.  What has been happening in her life?

Well, you might recall that at the time I last wrote she was getting set to attend an “unofficial” prom planned by some parents.  As it turns out however, there was still some conniving afoot.  It seems that what she was invited to was a fake prom set up for losers and outcasts while the cool kids were off somewhere else partying.  Not much grace there, huh?

In any event, in the days since, Constance has become sort of a gay heroine.  In fact, this past week, she was invited to the White House along with other “gay activists” to meet with President Obama.  She is also going to be an honored guest at New York’s gay pride parade.  And a number of gay musicians have come together to do a benefit concert to raise funds for her to go to college. 

There is no telling where her emotions were at before the uproar (Although as a teen it is fair to say that they were tentative and could be influenced.) but it is certain that the reactions of the Christian-led community protest has certainly helped cement her allegiance firmly in the gay camp.  In that sense she becomes a walking advertisement of how not to approach homosexuals.  But how do we react to her now that she has been driven into the activist role and has bitter memories of Christians?

The second example is Jennifer Knapp, the long time Christian musician who, through much of the 90s, spoke to the hearts of many believers, me included, through her music.  In 2003 she abruptly walked away from her career and has been away for seven years.  She is back this year with new music and an announcement, that she is also gay and has been for years, including some of the time she was performing Christian music.

I think it is easy to predict that she will be dropped by most Christians like a hot potato and shunned.  I don’t expect to hear any of her new songs on Christian radio.  She seems to anticipate this with a line from one of her new songs where she says “God forbid they give me grace.”  But how do people who have been blessed by her music react in grace?  It is a difficult question.

The question as to how we react to these women is rhetorical, of course.  I have no expectations to run into either Constance or Jennifer any time soon.  But there may be people in your life right now where you aren’t sure how to react to them.  In fact, I am sure there are.  There are no easy answers so don’t get your pens out to take notes but here are some suggestions.

  1. If you are already in a friend/family relationship with them, keep it going.  Paul’s admonishment about shunning sinners refers specifically to church discipline, not friendships.  And there is no chance of you being a grace-giver if you turn away.
  2. Speak the truth in love.  Frankly, my advice is to emphasize the love.  They can, and should, hear the truth in one sentence but they will need repeated assurances that you still love them. 
  3. Listen to them.  Sometimes we are in such a rush to say something we can overlook this.  Make no mistake about it, a good listener shows more grace than a good talker.

There are no easy answers.  For me, grace makes me pour over the Gospels on a regular basis.  The WWJD phrase may be a bit worn out but it still works.  But to do it you need to have a mind, and spirit, saturated in Jesus. 

God bless.