A few weeks ago Tony mentioned in his “Pastor’s Corner” a quote on the “graces”, plural.  I’ve been thinking about that and wondering if there are multiple graces.  I am not sure, but there are certainly multiple ways in which we can show grace and multiple situations where grace is needed.  This article is, Lord willing, the first in an intermittent series of discussions on grace situations.  And I want to focus on extending grace…to ourselves.

Self esteem.  It seems that the human race never seems able to get the dial right on that one, doesn’t it?  So many times people seem down on themselves for no good reason or, more ironically, puffed up for no good reason.  Poor self esteem plagues so many people we can’t count them.  So many dear people live in unending misery, constantly putting themselves down.

And I will let you in on a secret.  A lot of people who don’t display classic symptoms of self esteem problems have them anyway.  There is a condition called “the imposter effect” where hard-charging successful people who seem oh-so confident live with a secret fear that people will one day discover what they know about themselves, that they are imposters, nowhere near as good as they want you to think.  I’ve found it helpful to remember this when I run across self-promoters.  Instead of feeling annoyed, I am free to feel sorry for them.

In our spiritual lives self esteem issues are Satan’s playground.  With every stumble, oversight, sin or perceived sin he is there ready to poke us into misery.  And churches, sadly, are rarely there to help.  We don’t seem to be able to turn our churches into places where people can safely confess weaknesses.

When someone is struggling with self esteem issues and turns to another for help, the conversation usually goes something like this:

“I’m not __________ enough.” (Fill in anything – smart, talented, good looking, successful etc.)

“Yes, you are.”

And our well-meaning helper never seems to be able to convince the struggling person to shed their self esteem worries.  Why not?  It’s because both the complaint and the proposed solution are law-based.  One person feeling guilty of a shortcoming and the other is trying to convince them they are innocent.  But telling someone they are wrong to feel what they feel doesn’t increase self esteem.  The person doesn’t need a second opinion on the facts that trouble them, particularly an opinion (“You are wrong.”) that adds to their low self esteem.  What do they need?

Grace.  And who do they need it from?   Not God, He has already given them grace.  God doesn’t love us in spite of our weaknesses, He simply loves us with no conditions or qualifications.  You won’t find any passages from Scripture explaining why we ought to have a better self esteem, just assurances that God loves us.

Not you, either.  It’s nice that you disagree with their poor self esteem but that is not the issue.  As I alluded to before, arguing with people who think poorly of themselves usually makes them think worse of themselves.  They need grace from themselves; conscious continual grace.  There are times I need to reflect of God’s love for me and simply appreciate it.  I need to stop my own performance appraisals, because that never turns out well.  Happily, our standing with God has nothing to do with our performance, so I am free to give myself a break.  And you are too.